Toddlers are hard. Really hard. They talk about the terrible two’s but for me, those never really arrived. I had the terrible first month, and second month and basically first year. Because I just didn’t realize how much of a slap in the face motherhood really would be for me. Nobody really told me. Sure they said, “it’s going to be tough.” But that’s not saying what it’s really like.
Which is why I’m so outspoken about my experience and always willing to write / talk about it. Because if we really know how hard it’s going to be, then I think we can lower our expectations for that fairytale Instagram Mom life and actually appreciate it for what it is – really hard, but crazy beautiful.
My little guy is now 4 and a half, and he is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, made, touched, kissed… but holy hell can he challenge me. I try to stick to the rule that the louder his voice gets, the softer mine gets, to try and allow myself space to breath and keep my cool, but in all honesty I do lose my shit every now and then. I’m getting better, with practice, but once I’ve passed one speed bump and think, “yes, I’ve got this now…” something else appears that smashes me right down again.
Through all of this, I love my child dearly, of course. And I like to have reminders to bring me back to earth and make me realize if and when I’m being too harsh on him. I’m so passionate about raising a sensitive and gentle man, something that the world really needs, and I feel so guilty when I raise my voice at him, mainly because of my own stress with my own life, and not his fault at all.
A friend of mind shared this video on Instagram a few months ago and every time I watch it I land up crying an ugly cry, because it’s so freaking emotional and true. So don’t say I didn’t warn you and you may land up not sending your child to school tomorrow after you watch this, because it’s a real tearjerker, but also, a beautiful reminder that our children really do look at us as their whole worlds.
What a privilege that he, chose me.